We can feel raw and vulnerable when we have sex. And that can make it totally normal to feel a sense of some awkwardness when you are in bed with your partner. But it only has to be as awkward as we make it out to be. While you might like a certain sex position, your partner might not. You might like to be experimental in bed unlike your lover. Does that mean you should say “sorry” or feel apologetic for these things? Absolutely NOT, as there is nothing wrong with having preferences in bed. You must break the habit of apologising for things during sex. Of course if you end up using the wrong name of your partner, you should say sorry, but there are some things that you should never apologise about during sex!
If you are a people-pleaser and perfectionist, you will work really hard to please your partner. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to please your partner, there are things that you should not apologise about while in bed.
Therapist and relationship expert Dr Elizabeth Fedrick took to Instagram to share a very interesting list of things that you should stop apologising about during sex.
1. How long or how quickly it takes to orgasm
Some take a few seconds, others might take even 10 minutes to reach orgasm, or may not even reach one. But that doesn’t mean something is wrong if you come quicker than your partner or take longer.
2. Random sounds that are sure to happen every time
It’s not just words, but also sounds that you hear during sex. It can be more than just grunting or any random sound. Vaginal farts or queefing can be common too! Again, it’s not something that you should apologise for.
3. Expressing if you don’t like something or want to avoid doing
Experimenting in bed is only good when both the partners are in agreement. If there is something that you don’t like or don’t want to do, don’t say sorry. Just voice your opinion and don’t do it.
Check out her post here.
4. When the body does not responding in the way you want
Sex is all about pleasure and bonding with your partner. There are times that our bodies don’t always respond the way we want. Maybe the way he touched a certain part of your body worked the last time, but not this time. It’s really okay, you don’t have to be sorry about it.
5. Asking for clarification on new things during sex
Your partner might be more experienced in bed than you, so if you have doubts about a specific sexual activity, simply ask and clarify rather than apologising for not knowing.
6. Having a preferred position or activity for reaching climax
There are many types of sex positions, and everyone has a preference. If you like 69 or doggy style and he doesn’t, it’s fine! Don’t say “sorry” for having a favourite sex position.
7. Wanting things that allow for comfort
Not everyone may be comfortable with sex with the lights on or without blankets. Everyone needs something that allows for comfort and helps to reduce their insecurities about body image. But one doesn’t have to feel apologetic about it.
8. Wanting to spice up things
Doing the same thing in bed every single day can be boring. If you want to try something new, don’t feel sorry about breaking the monotony. In fact, if you are more forthright about it, you may end up making sex feel better and exciting. So, a little bit of hair pulling or role playing, is perfectly fine!
9. Getting a leg cramp, and the need to pause
Many see sex as a form of exercise too, and while working out, you do have some aches here and there. Isn’t it? So, if during an experimental position, you get a leg cramp during sex and decide to pause to fix it, it’s alright.
Fedrick said that sex could be so much better if “we took the pressure off of it” and instead recognise that we are all humans, who make noises and can’t always control our biological responses. All these things are normal, natural, and part of the beautiful process of sexual pleasure.